Giving Yourself
by Japhith
Summary: Speedy needs help, and Raven is going to give it to him if he wants it or not. Even if it means trapping him in a one bedroom apartment with her. Even if it means forcing him through terrible pain. Even if it means giving herself to him... completely.
1. Prologue

Giving Yourself

A Teen Titans Fan Fiction by Jacob McDonald

Opening notes: Please note the 'M' rating on this one folks. It's all in here. Swearing, violence, drug use, nudity, sex, underage drinking, and sappy, sappy fluff. After all that bad stuff, yes, this is a love story. Deal with it.

Standard Disclaimers Apply. I don't own Teen Titans.

* * *

**Prologue**

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* * *

**

"Have you ever noticed that even when it seems like you have nothing left to give, when a friend cries out, you find the strength to help them?"

_-Unknown_

_

* * *

_

In the cold, dark depths of Steel City, the slums and the low rent apartments were full of dirt and grime. The buildings, where they weren't covered in graffiti, were washed with a straight falling acid rain that did hardly anything to remove the decades of filth that covered them. The smog from the steel mills and the highway system filled the city with dank, soggy despair.

It was into this quiet desperation that two figures stepped out of a silver and blue car, and into the rain.

They seemed to be exact physical opposites, these two. One was huge, tall, broad in the shoulders and male. The other was little more than five foot four inches, slim about the waist, slight of build, and generally petite except for her slightly more than average bust size. Both of them wore dark hooded sweatshirts, the male opting for track pants, and the female wearing flare bottom jeans. Her sneakers squished across the pavement as they crossed the street to the dingy apartment they were headed for.

His feet sounded like they were made of steel.

"I don't like this." The tall male grumbled down at his companion.

"You don't have to like it." She replied in a clipped tone, "Just do it like we planned. Go in, find him, get out. There's no point in trying to bust everyone inside."

"But… do you really think that Speedy-"

"Don't call him that here."

"Fine." The man sounded exasperated, "Do you think that Roy would really-"

"Victor, that man wasn't lying. He said Roy Harper. How many Roy Harpers live in Steel City?"

"Only one." The man now identified as Victor growled back.

"And that one is the young man we're looking for. Karen said he's been disappearing for days at a time for the past six months. Now we know why."

"But-"

"Wait." The young woman held up a hand and stared at the building for a moment. Victor watched her carefully, and almost smiled when a strand of her violet hair fell out of her hood and she brushed it back unconsciously. When she spoke again, his smile fled, "I sense Roy's presence. He's inside."

Victor swallowed hard, then turned to the dingy building with a determination that spoke well for his nineteen years. "Let's go then, Raven."

As they started forward, Raven looked up at the sky. The clouds were gray against the night, and spot lights swept them from somewhere downtown where those that had become rich off the steel production and the auto manufacturing businesses in Steel City lived and played. It was nothing like the gritty slums they were in now. There wouldn't be any run down, dilapidated buildings. No filth filled ally ways.

No heroin dens like the one they were about to walk in to.

"Roy…" she breathed as they approached the doors. She would have to remain strong and firm through this. He was their friend, and he needed them. She couldn't back down, she couldn't give up. He needed them.

"On three." Victor said, taking a stance and getting ready to kick the door, "One… two…"


	2. Chapter One

Giving Yourself

A Teen Titans Fan Fiction by Jacob McDonald

Standard Disclaimers Apply. I don't own Teen Titans.

* * *

**Chapter One**

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* * *

**

Cyborg grinned down at the display on the com window in the T-Car, "We're almost there, Bee. What is it?"

Bumble Bee looked frustrated, _"It's Speedy. He's gone."_

"Where'd he go?"

_"Who knows? He's been vanishing, sometimes for days, for the past six months or so."_ She frowned, _"You have no idea how much you two coming out to help is welcome right now, Sparky."_

Cyborg glanced at the passenger seat, where Raven was buckled in. She had her nose buried in a book, but raised a fist and pumped it in a mock-cheerful manner when he looked at her. The robotic Titan grinned, "Raven says we're always happy to help."

_"Well tell her that I've already banned the Mas y Menos from trying to get her T-Comp's privacy channel this time."_

"Thank the Goddess…" Raven muttered.

Cyborg chuckled, "She says thanks."

_"Glad you're there to be my interpreter."_ Bumble Bee smiled_, "How far out are you?"_

"Steel City ETA is forty minutes." Cyborg replied, "I'll see you soon."

_"Looking forward to it."_ She smiled once, then signed off.

Cyborg returned his attention to the road, and Raven continued to read her book. After several minutes of silence, the dark Titan spoke, "You _so_ want to bumble Karen's bee."

Cy almost swerved off the road, and Raven chuckled as he started spluttering out denials.

* * *

The Titans East, minus Speedy, met Cyborg and Raven as they pulled into the Tower garage. As Cy climbed out, Bumble Bee flew up to him and hugged him firmly. "I've missed you." She whispered into his ear, making the human side of his face flush a little.

Aqualad chuckled and stepped up to the gothic Titan as she climbed out of the T-Car, "Raven… it's always good to see you."

"Likewise, Garth." They shook hands firmly, then he pulled her forward. Raven let out a little noise of shock, but it was smothered as her face fell into his chest. He chuckled again as he gave her a one armed squeeze, "Don't be such a stranger, Rae. We've know each other for years."

"Sorry." She muttered as she pulled away from him and yanked her hood up, "You know I'm not good with physical contact, and-"

"Yeah, I know." He smiled at her, "But someone needs to pull you out of that shell of yours sometimes."

"Beast Boy says the same thing."

"And what do you do when he says it?"

"I blast him through a wall."

Aqualad laughed nervously and stepped back from her. Raven smiled at him in a sinister manner.

"Stop scaring the gill-head, Rae." Cyborg stepped over to them and shoved her lightly. A pulse of black energy pushed back at him, and he stumbled a bit. "Okay, okay. Hey, what are we doing tonight, Karen?"

"The four of us will be hunting down leads on HIVE activity in the City. Since the two of you are guests, and you just had a long road trip, you get the easy job of busting a heroin dealer tonight. Just bring him down neat, call in the cops, and come on back to the Tower for some R and R."

"Sounds good." Cy nodded, "We'll be able to help you out more tomorrow on getting the HIVE sorted out."

"Just what I thought." Bee beamed at him.

"Great minds think alike."

"And sexy people make great couples."

"Gag." Raven looked disgusted, "Just give us the location of the dealer, Karen."

Everyone chuckled and Bee went about giving out mission details.

* * *

Two hours later, the doors of the dealers apartment blew in and sent splinters of wood and glass raining down the hallway. There was a shrike from the bedroom, and a half dressed hooker bolted into the bathroom and locked herself in. A thin man with several dark tattoos on his pale skin came out of the bedroom at the end of the hall with a handgun aimed into the black smoke that poured in from the outside.

As soon as he saw a large form moving through the smoke, he started firing. The bullets bounced off the man walking towards him with little metallic pinging noises.

"What the fuck?" he gasped. A red light flared to life where one of the man's eyes should have been, and the dealer gasped and staggered back.

Behind him, the black smoke coalesced into the form of a hooded young woman wearing a blue cloak. She hissed in his ear, "Where are the drugs, Luke?"

Luke screamed and fell to the floor, even as Cyborg stepped up to him and kicked the gun out of his hand. Raven loomed over the dealer, her eyes burning white from inside her hood, "Where?"

"The bedroom! In the closet!" Luke stammered out, "But… but… I already sold most of it!"

"Most of it?" Cyborg lifted him off the ground and slammed him into the wall, cracking the plaster, "How much is most of it? We have reports that you had almost ten _pounds_ of smack here, punk."

"I sold like, more than half of it to this kid just a little while ago! Seriously!"

"We want a name then." Cyborg shook him, "A name and a place!"

"He wont be dealing it, man… just using! He always uses!"

"Who uses that much heroin?" Raven sounded as if she didn't believe him.

"He brings it to a house, and they have a big party! Like nine or ten people! They get high, fuck their brains out, get high some more, and wake up feeling like shit." Luke shook his head, "It's sad, man, but I sell to whoever pays, and this kid always has the cash to-"

"Who is he then?" Cyborg shook the man again, and Luke stammered out a name.

"Harper!" he shouted, "His name is Roy Harper!"

Silence descended over the apartment, then Cyborg growled and locked a hand over Luke's throat, "You lying son of a-"

"Cyborg!" Raven held up a hand, "He's not lying!"

"What?" Cy glanced over at her with a wild expression.

Raven stood her ground, "He's not lying. Just knock him out and call the cops. We have to find Roy."

"Wait… you guys know who he is?" Luke looked surprised.

"Where is he?" Cy returned his gaze to the dealers face.

"Well… maybe I'll just tell the cops that-"

Raven floated up to him suddenly and her eyes burned red for a moment, "Tell us or I send you straight to Hell." Her voice rumbled with demonic power.

"3487 Starling Avenue!" Luke shouted as a wet spot formed at his crotch.

"Thanks." Cyborg hauled back a fist, and pounded Luke's head into the plaster wall.

* * *

A half hour later, Cyborg and Raven sat in the T-Car, staring out at the night as it started to rain. "So what now?" Cyborg asked.

"We go find Speedy, drag him out of the drug house, and get him back to the Tower."

"What if he's not willing? Heroin messes you up pretty bad, Rae."

"I can knock him out fairly easily."

"What about going in like we are? The Titans can't be incriminated in this."

"We both have other clothes. Let's change, get over there, and get him out."

"Okay." Cyborg reached into the back seat and grabbed their bags, "You sure you don't want to call the cops, Rae? I mean, I don't want Roy getting into trouble either, but-"

"This isn't just about Roy, Victor. We need to think about how this will affect the super hero community at large. We're suppose to be looked up to, and if the media gets a hold of this and runs with it… everyone from the Titans to Superman could be potentially hurt by it."

Cyborg sighed, "Okay. Let's do this."


	3. Chapter Two

Giving Yourself

A Teen Titans Fan Fiction by Jacob McDonald

Standard Disclaimers Apply. I don't own Teen Titans.

* * *

**Chapter Two**

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**

"… three!" Cyborg shouted, and kicked the door to the heroin den clean off it's hinges. He rushed in, and Raven took to the air behind him, gliding forward and surveying the large main room they'd just burst into.

Only one young man and a young woman were there, sitting on the couch off to the side. The man was looking at them with wide eyes, half way sitting up. The girl's head lolled back, and her eyes darted about wildly. A needle was still stuck in her arm.

"Shit…" the man said, and staggered to his feet, "What the hell do you want?"

"We're looking for Roy Harper." Cyborg walked over to him and held him steady with one hand as the man wavered a little, "He organized this party. We need to find him right now."

"Roy?"

"Yeah, Roy."

"He's in the back."

"I'll go." Raven glanced at the young woman on the couch, "See if she's still alive."

Cyborg sighed and walked over to the girl as Raven floated to the door that led to the next room in the house. Without knocking, she pushed it open and stepped inside.

Instantly she was over come with the smell of sex and lubricant. Seven naked women writhed about the pillow covered floor, pleasuring each other and the four men that were there with them. Disgusted, Raven took a step back.

A quick glance around and she spotted Roy's red hair. She flew up over the orgy and to the other side of the room. Landing, she covered her mouth to keep from vomiting. A naked girl of no more than seventeen was bobbing her head up and down in his lap, sucking like a lamprey.

Roy looked helpless. He was moaning, wincing when the girl's teeth hit a sensitive spot, and gagging on his own spittle as he tried to yank a needle out of his arm. His fingers didn't seem to be working.

The girl pulled back for a moment and giggled, "Tasty, Harper… you want me to show you what my pussy feels like?"

"Hrkkalllthhhh…" Roy replied and his eyes rolled back in his head.

The girl giggled again, then latched her mouth back down in his lap.

Raven's disgust reached a critical point, and she snapped. A quick snap kick with her right foot sent the sex crazed drug addict sprawling across the floor with a spray of blood from her nose. The girl moaned but didn't get up.

"Damn you, Roy." Raven muttered and bent down. After zipping him up and taking the needle from his arm, she quickly hoisted him off the floor and over her shoulders. She thanked Robin silently for making her do all that weight training for the past five years.

Floating out of the orgy room (the sex continued, despite her interference) Raven landed once again in the main room out front. Cyborg had sedated the young man, and was currently working on reviving the girl. "How is she?"

"Alive." Cy stood up, "She'll live, but there's no telling how much damage she's done to her body. I'd be surprised if she makes it another three years."

"Call EMTs and Police. Let's get out of here."

Rushing back out into the rain, Raven wondered at where to go while Cy put the calls in.

* * *

Roy was blubbering incoherently in the back seat while Raven sat with him, using her empathic healing powers to try to clear his mind. She was getting dizzy though from the pain it was causing her.

Looking out the window of the T-Car, she knew suddenly that Roy wasn't going to recover in just a few days, or even a few weeks. He'd need constant care and supervision. Titans East couldn't provide that with all the work they had to do, and there was no way she was sending one of her friends into a State hospital where they'd just pump him full of more drugs and expect him to get better.

"Victor, stop the car."

Cyborg slammed on the breaks as they came to an intersection, and turned to look at her, "What is it? Is he going to make it? Should I head to a hospital?"  
Raven took a deep breath, "Roy's suffering from a rather severe overdose of heroin. I've taken him through the worst of it with my abilities, but he's not going to recover any time soon. He needs my help, Victor, and I'm going to give it to him."

"What are you saying?" Cyborg looked frightened.

"Take us to the nearest safe house here in Steel. I'll care for him there."

"But the Tower-"

"The Tower has the other Titans in it. He needs to rest, and there's no rest to be had at the base of operations for the largest Super Hero team on the East Coast."

Cy sighed, "Okay, Rae. It's not far."

* * *

The safe house was a third floor apartment in the low rent section of town. The building actually belonged to the Titans through a dummy corporation, and as such it was fairly well furnished, and had running water and working electricity all year round.

"It'll have to do." Raven said as Cyborg followed her up the steps. He cradled Roy in his arms like a child, and the red haired archer moaned in a fitful sleep. As Raven came to the door, she pulled out her T-Comp and entered a code into it. The electronic lock on the door of the apartment clicked open, and she tucked the communication device away.

Opening the door and walking in, Raven looked around, "Just put him on the couch for now, Victor." and she walked into the kitchen. A quick search around and she found what she was looking for.

"Sweet, life giving tea…" she muttered and looked over her selection. Just a generic green of some sort and a large box of Earl Gray, but she'd make do. Taking out some of the back tea, she set a kettle to boil.

Cyborg stepped into the kitchen area and frowned down at her, "I need to contact Karen and tell her where you are."

"When the lock disengaged it sent out a beacon to the entire network. They know where we are."

"I know that. I just want to let her know not to visit very often."

"Tell her not to visit at all." Raven turned her violet gaze on him, and he was suddenly angered by the emotionless void he saw there.

"Damn it, Raven! Why are you insisting on doing this alone?"

"Because Roy deserves it!" Raven hissed back, floating up in his face, "He's a good man, Victor, and he's our friend! He deserves to at least make it through this with his dignity intact."

"And having you care for him like a child for however long this is going to take is going to preserve his dignity?"  
"It's better than having a parade of his closest friends march through looking at him with pity and disgust." Raven narrowed her eyes, "You can tell Karen that he's sick, and that only I can take care of him. Tell all the Titans to stay away."

"Raven, you can't do this."

"I can, and I will." Raven pointed towards the door, "Out, Victor. I'll call you when it's okay to come back."

"Raven-"

"Out." Her tone was final, and she turned back to her boiling water without another glance at him.

Cyborg sighed, then walked to the door, turning the lock back on as he left.

* * *

Sunlight was seeping in through the blinds when Roy woke up. The first thing he noticed was that he hurt all over, and that he had a splitting headache. He sat up on the couch he was lying on and looked around.

He didn't recognize the apartment he was in, but that didn't bother him. The morning after a several day binge was always like this. It was just part of the payment plan for having a good time.

Slowly, he tried to get to his feet. A gentle hand pushed him back down to the couch and he found he was too weak to resist even the slight shove.

Looking up, he saw Raven. She was wearing jeans and a black t-shirt, and her feet were bare. She frowned at him, her violet hair falling down from behind her ear on one side of her face, "How are you feeling?"

"Raven?" he was confused, "What's going on?"

"I dragged you out of your little party last night, and brought you to a safe house."

"What?" he paled.

"Cat's out of the bag, Roy. We busted your dealer, got your name, and dragged your dumb ass here."

"Who's we?"

"Myself and Victor. He's gone now, so don't think you'll be able to get any sympathy from him. You have a long, hard road ahead of you Roy. I'm just here to make sure you walk it."

"Wait… what are you saying?" he tried to sit up again, but stopped when she pinned him with a glare.

"I'm saying that you're going to kick this habit, and you're going to do it cold turkey." Raven floated over to the door and stood in front of it with crossed arms, "I'm not letting you leave here until you're better."


	4. Chapter Three

Giving Yourself

A Teen Titans Fan Fiction by Jacob McDonald

Standard Disclaimers Apply. I don't own Teen Titans.

* * *

**Chapter Three**

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* * *

**

"Excuse me?" Roy blinked through blurry eyes, "You can't keep me here like a prisoner, Raven."

"Because you can do so much to get away right now. You over dosed so badly last night that you were reduced to a gibbering idiot while some horny tramp with more STD's than an aging rock star went down on you like a leech."

"There were way too many comparisons in that sentence."

Raven scowled, "Your charming macho bullshit wont work on me, Roy. I'm keeping you here until you're better. That's it. Final."

Roy frowned and sat up. Slowly, he pulled himself off the couch and to his feet. They were all prickly from sleeping in his shoes all night, but he marched forward with a staggering gait all the same, "See, the thing you're not taking into account, Raven, is that maybe… just maybe…" he was right up next to her, and he breathed rancid breath into her face, "I don't want to get better."

Raven rolled her eyes and poked him firmly in the chest. Roy fell backwards and to the floor with a thud. She glared down at him, "Not an option, Roy."

"Fuck you, Raven! Let me out of here or I'll call Bumble Bee and have you tossed out of Steel City!"

"Oh, because she'd really let you call any shots while you're coming down from a Heroin OD." The dark Titan shook her head, "Come on. You should be in bed."

As she reached down to help him up, he slapped her hands away. "Fuck off!"

Raven stood up, supremely unperturbed. "Fine. When you decide you want my help, call me." With that, she walked into the living room and sat down on the love seat. Picking up the remote to the twenty inch TV that sat on the cheep laminate wood entertainment stand, she flipped on the History Channel and started watching a show about President Taft.

Roy growled low in his throat and pulled himself into a sitting position. Crawling to the door, he reached up and turned the knob.

Nothing happened.

He reefed on the door but it still didn't open. Checking the lock through the haze that seemed to block his vision, he saw it was an electrically sealed mechanism.

"Right… safe houses are all locked by the same code." He muttered, and reached for his T-Comp. Patting around his pocket, he discovered it wasn't there, "Where's my com?" he asked out loud.

"Don't know." Raven replied, "You didn't have it on you when we picked you up." Pulling out her own, she flipped it open and did a quick search, "Oh. You left it at the Titans East Tower. I'm sure doing that made sense when you were trying to hide your drug problem from your team."

Roy growled again, and started dragging himself towards her. He had a feral look in his eyes, "Give me that."

"No." Raven tucked the com away and glared at him.

As the red head made it to the love seat, he dragged himself up on it, then over on top of Raven. His hands were planted on either side of her shoulders, and his pelvis dug into her side as he tried to support himself. He hung his head down, resting it on hers for a moment, and she closed her eyes. Roy breathed hard. If someone had walked in right then, they would have thought the two of them had just been making out.

Roy's arms gave out.

She let him collapse on top of her, then shoved him off on to the floor. Arching an eyebrow down at him, she shook her head.

"Damnit! Give it to me!" Roy suddenly lunged up at her, but Raven was ready. A quick punch to his face knocked him back to the floor, clutching at his nose. "Ow! What the hell?"

"Don't attack me, Roy. I'll beat you in to the ground if I have to."

"Fucking Hell, Raven! Just let me out of here!" his voice echoed desperation.

"No." Raven reached down and grabbed him. Dragging him to his feet, she helped him limp across the apartment to the bedroom, where she dumped him on the bed. "Rest. Get some sleep if you can. When the withdrawal hits, you're not going to be able to sleep at all."

"I… why are you doing this?" Roy crawled under the covers and curled up into a ball, "Why are you torturing me?"

"You want the truth?" Raven leaned over him, and he blinked up at her in a confused manner, "It's because I care about you, Roy. I don't like to see my friends in pain. So get better, or I'll never forgive you."

As she walked from the room, Roy sank back into his pillow. "Right." he muttered. She wasn't fooling him. He'd find a way out. He'd find a way…

He was asleep again before he could finish the thought.

* * *

Raven sat on the couch that night, reading a few poems from an online forum she frequented, when a knock came at the door. Frowning, she set aside her laptop and stood up. She'd changed into loose fitting black silk pajama pants, and a white tank top, and had left her feet bare all day. She didn't get the chance to very often around the Towers. The floors were all metal and just got too damn cold to not wear at least a warm pair of socks.

She stopped at the door, then sighed when she sense the presence on the other side. Disengaging the lock, she opened the portal and glared at Karen Beecher. The young black woman was wearing dark jeans and a black t-shit under a jean jacket.

"Yes?" Raven was curt.

Bumble Bee tried her best to look angry, "What's this I hear about you stealing one of my team away?"

"You know I can sense your feelings of concern and your trepidation, Karen. Drop the angry act."

"Fine." Bee took on a worried expression, "Sparky wouldn't tell me what was wrong with him."

"He's suffering through heroin withdrawal." Raven glared, "I thought I made it clear that no one was to visit."

"I know… but…" Bee looked away, "I had to know. He's one of my team, Raven. My responsibility."

"He's my responsibility now." Raven didn't move from the doorway, "Go home, Karen."

"Okay, I will… just… here, I brought him some books from his room that I know he's been meaning to read, and some of the curry powder he likes to put on everything-"

"Do you know what heroin withdrawal is like, Karen?" Raven leaned forward a little, "He's going to be writhing in pain, and hallucinating. He'll be throwing his guts up for weeks. He's not going to be able to read anything, or eat anything for the next week at least, then only sparingly after that. His body needs to rebuild from the ground up."

"Oh… I just… I thought…"

"I know you're trying to help, but you have to trust me on this one. I'll deal with it."

"Okay, I just…" she trailed off and looked over Raven's shoulder, "Oh! Roy!"

Raven's eyes grew wide and she whirled around. She'd been so focused on getting Bumble Bee to leave, that she hadn't sensed Roy behind her. She only made it halfway before he smashed the clock radio from the bedroom over her head.

Raven crumpled to the floor and Roy jumped over her prone form. As Bumble Bee blocked his path, he threw a hard right into her jaw, slamming her out of the way. She fell back against the hallway wall and he jumped down the first flight of steps.

Even as Bee was getting back up, Raven was already flying out the door. She looked down at the Titans East leader and scowled, "Don't ever come here again, Karen, or I'll make sure you regret it."

As the dark Titan flew off, Bumble Bee felt hot tears trailing down her face, "Oh God… Roy, please be okay…"

* * *

Roy's thoughts were reaching a fever pitch. He could feel the heat wafting off his body, even thought cold rain was lashing against his shivering frame. His feet were bare and his jeans were the only thing keeping him from freezing to death. The shirt he'd been wearing back at the apartment he'd torn off when he reached the ground level, simply because he was so warm.

"Need… more… gotta feel…" Roy staggered against the side of a building. Raven had said they'd busted Luke the night before, so he would have to make it across town to see if Barry had any he could spare…

"Roy!" He whirled around to see Raven flying through the rain at him. Attempting to take up a fighting stance, he slipped in the muck at his feet and fell to the ground. By the time he'd rolled to his hands and knees, she was there, helping him up, "Damn it all, Roy, I'm not letting you do this!"

"Raven… just let me go… let me die out here if I have to… but let me go…"

"I already told you, Roy, no. I wont let you destroy yourself any more."

"Who put you in charge of my life?"

"Sometimes you need someone else to be in charge. Especially when you're not doing what's best for yourself."

Roy looked down at his mud and grime stained clothes, then up at the sky. "Fuck." He muttered, "If you could see me now, Ollie, what would you think? This is the boy you raised, Old Man. This is what you made."

"Don't blame any of this on Green Arrow." Raven helped him to his feet, and when his legs gave out, dragged him back up, clutching his taller frame to her petite one. He pressed close to her and looked down at their bodies, crushed together. The rain had soaked through her white shirt, and her breasts stood out in high detail through the transparent cloth. She smirked up at him. "Like what you see?"

"Yeah." He nodded dumbly.

"Well, you'll stand a better chance of seeing more if you come back to the safe house with me."

"Okay."

"Feh." Raven took to the air, levitating him along with her, "Leave it to a man to go through the Hell of withdrawal just to get a better look at a nice rack."

"You make that sound like a bad thing."

"Shut up, Roy."

* * *

When they got back to the apartment, Bumble Bee was gone. She'd left the books and the spice, but Raven ignored those as she kicked the door shut and relocked it. Half walking, have carrying Roy across the living room, she made it to the bathroom and pulled him into the tub with her.

Without bothering to take their clothes off, she turned on a hot shower and let the water pour over them, even as Roy shivered in her grasp. He gasped, and it reverberated in her soul. He was in intense pain.

"This is just the beginning, Roy." She muttered into his hair as she held him tightly to keep him from thrashing about, "You'll have to be strong for this."

"As long as you're here…" he gasped out, "Raven… don't give up on me yet… just don't give up on me…"

Raven held him tighter as another spasm wracked his body. "Never." She whispered.

The hot water poured down, and washed away his tears.


	5. Chapter Four

Giving Yourself

A Teen Titans Fan Fiction by Jacob McDonald

Standard Disclaimers Apply. I don't own Teen Titans.

* * *

**Chapter Four**

**

* * *

**

After that first night, Roy seemed to slip into a constant state of slight delirium. He would have bouts of waking lucidity, when he would wince in pain every time he moved as his joints seized up, but those were few and far between.

This went on for a week.

Raven was shocked by how his body was recovering. The worst parts of the withdrawal hadn't even hit yet, and he was still burning the drugs out of his body. He must have been using almost constantly for months.

She'd checked his weight against his last Titan medical exam and had found him to be down almost thirty pounds. Almost all of that was muscle mass. He was weak, and could barely move without her help.

A week after the first night, she had him with her on the couch. He had just come out of another bout of delirium and was semi-lucid, so she was reading to him from one of the books Karen had brought over.

As she finished a chapter, she checked on him, "Roy? Are you still doing okay?"

"Okay is relative for me…" he muttered back.

"I know that. But I can't use pain killers… I already explained that."

"I know… why are you really doing this Raven? Did Karen ask you to? Or Robin?"

"Dick has nothing to do with this, and Karen didn't even know until she got here last week. I told you before, Roy." She lifted a cool cloth from a bowl on the coffee table next to the couch and placed it on his forehead, mopping away the sweat there.

"You'll have to remind me then."

Her eyes softened, and she smiled gently, "I'm doing it because I don't like to see my friends suffer. I care."

"You're being so kind now… you're never like this to anyone."

"You only need me to be mean sometimes. Recovering like you are… I'm pretty much the only Titan qualified to help you through it, and you need kindness more than anything right now."

"I need someone to understand…"

"Then explain." Raven put the book aside, "Tell me why you did it, Roy."

He took a deep breath, then let it out. She knew that hurt him to do, so she wasn't surprised when his body shuddered in pain a little. He turned slightly and looked up at her from where he lay with his head on a pillow in her lap.

"When I did it the first time it was just to try it, you know? There was this cute blonde thing… she wanted to get high and have sex all night, and who was I to deny her that?" he chuckled mirthlessly. "After that, she told me about the orgies. More fun I couldn't pass up. I have no idea what ever happened to her. We lost track of each other months ago."

Raven found her hand stroking his hair. For some reason, she didn't stop.

"By then, even though I'd just used a few times, I found myself craving the stuff. It wasn't hard to track down Luke, and he started selling to me. I got a few back up dealers in case he was ever busted, or I wanted some and I was on the other side of town… it all seemed so logical.

"By the time the rest of the team started to suspect something, I was already so far in to it that it seemed like they were less important than getting high. Heroin was my life. The drugs and the sex and the thrill… like beating the crap out of super powered metas wasn't enough for me."

He reached up and gripped her hand, and she held his tightly. Staring at their intertwined fingers, she wondered at the magnetic feeling they seemed to have. This was new to her, this odd feeling. She'd have to meditate on it later. As he started speaking again, she turned her focus back to him.

"So then… then I stated to organize the parties. There were always people to invite, and as long as we got at least eight we were good. Ollie gives me money, and I hardly ever use it, so I had a fair bit stashed away. When that ran out I stated skimming from different parts of the Titan funds. I'm surprised no one caught it.

"When that got too dangerous to do anymore, I started working deals. For Luke it was protection. Half price if I made sure the Titans never came down on him. He started to get more bold in his dealing after that, and my job got harder. I should have known Karen would catch on. She found him in a few weeks, I guess.'

Raven's thumb stroked the side of his hand in time with her hand stroking his hair, "Why'd you keep it up? You knew it was wrong, and you knew it was dangerous."

"It made me feel alive, Raven. I know the super hero gig isn't all a bed of roses, but all in all, I've had an easy life. Sure my parents died when I was young, and I was raised on a Native American reservation by a guy who thinks bows should still be the world wide weapon of choice, but after that, Ollie took me in. From eleven years old and on, I lived with the worlds biggest playboy. And he's loaded, so that never hurt anything. I grew into a man thinking of women like objects, just like he did…. Karen beat that out of me really quick, but still…"

"You did it to get back at him?"

"Some of it. Some of it was to throw it in the faces of all of you. To show the Titans that we're not perfect. That we… we…" he suddenly curled into a ball and winced, "Oh… God…."

"Roy…" Raven quickly put her hands on his chest and they glowed white. After a moment, he relaxed and looked up at her. Her forehead was crinkled, and her eyes were squeezed tightly shut.

"Raven?"

"I have taken the burden of your pain this time, Roy… just stay with me a little longer and talk. You need to."

"Okay… thank you."

"You're welcome." Their eyes locked, aqua blue on violet, and both of their mouths opened a little.

The TV blinked on, and the equipment above it flashed to life. It doubled as a communications hub when the Titans needed it to, just like the main screens in the Towers.

Raven frowned. She'd been sure to block access to her T-Comp and to the hub from all Titans on the network. No one could call unless they had master override codes, and the only one who had those was-

"Robin." Raven glared as the Boy Wonder appeared on the screen.

_"Raven."_ He didn't sound happy. _"Cyborg got back yesterday, and told me that you'd be spending more time out there doing something."_

"That's correct."

_"It took me until an hour ago to brow beat him into telling me what it is you're doing."_ Raven's eyes narrowed at the same time Robin's did, _"Let me talk to Roy."_

"No." she moved off the couch where Roy was facing away from the screen and stepped in front of the camera on top of the TV so that Robin couldn't even see him.

_"No?"_ Robin scowled, _"Raven, that wasn't a request. That was an order."_

"One that I'm sorry I'll have to disobey."

_"Raven-"_

"Shut the hell up, Dick." She stepped forward to where she knew he'd only be able to see her face on his screen, "I'm not letting you talk to him so you can scold him and tell him what an idiot he's been. He knows, trust me. He doesn't need you to be harsh with him, and he doesn't need you to tell him to clean up his act. I'm doing fine on my own here, and you're not going to help by butting in and being an ass."

Robin glared hard, _"Give me one good reason I shouldn't come over there and drag both of you out and put you in a mental ward."_

"Because I'd rip your soul out of your body before you could." Raven's eyes burned red for a moment, then she had control of herself again, "Stay away, Robin. And don't call again."

_"Don't you cut this transition Raven, or you're off the team!"_

"Then I quit."

Robin looked stunned for a moment, then fell back from where he'd been leaning forward and shouting. He shook his head, _"Fine… call me with updates at least."_

"No."

_"Then consider both of you suspended from the Titans until further notice."_

"That's okay. I'm sorry you have to make that call, Dick."

_"I am too."_ Robin looked at her sadly, _"I am too. Robin out."_

As the screen went blank, Raven used her powers to tear the communication hub out of the wall and slam it into the floor. Satisfied it would never work again, she went back to the couch and sat down behind Roy again, cradling his head in her lap. She took his hand again, and he pressed the side of his face down into the pillow.

"Thank you." He whispered.

Raven just squeezed his hand and placed the cool cloth back on his head.

* * *

Later that night, Raven sat up on the couch where she'd been sleeping. Something had dragged her out of her dreams, and she glanced around trying to figure out what it had been.

Even with all the rain they'd been having in Steel City, it was still getting warm as they moved into June. She'd been keeping the windows shut to keep the apartment dry, so it was quite stuffy. She was sleeping with only a thin sheet covering herself, and wearing only her white tank top and her black underwear.

Shaking her head, she tried to focus on what had woken her. She couldn't remember her dream, and it wasn't too hot, and-

A cry snapped her head around towards the bedroom. "Roy." She muttered. His pain must have woken her. She quickly flew up off the couch and to his room, not bothering to pull on her pants. When she got there, she was shocked.

He was thrashing around in the bed, the sheets tangled up with his limbs and preventing him from moving. His face was screwed up in pain, and his eyes rolled about like he was having a seizure.

Acting quickly, she used her powers to remove the sheets. They shredded as she pulled them apart and away from him. She climbed up on the bed and grabbed him, holding him still while she got behind him.

Wrapping her arms around his chest from behind, she held him down to her as she leaned against the headboard. Making sure to keep his head from snapping around too much and hurting his neck, she held him tightly.

"Ra…. Ray… ven…" he stuttered out, "God… kill me…"

"Stay strong Roy." She squeezed him once, "This is the bad part. You make it through this, you can make it the rest of the way."

"Hurts… need some of the stuff… give me."

"No… push past it." Raven found her throat was tight and her eyes were blurry and burning, "Push… past it…"

"Ray… ven…"

"Stay strong…" Raven held him tightly and buried her face in his neck. He was in such pain, and it hurt her to see him like this. What was wrong with her? Why was she suddenly so upset? She'd expected this. She'd known it was coming.

So why did it make her heart feel like it was about to stop?

As her tears mingled with his sweat, Raven's body shook with a single sob. Roy continued to thrash about, and she held him tighter.

"Hold on, Roy. Just keep holding on."


	6. Chapter Five

Giving Yourself

A Teen Titans Fan Fiction by Jacob McDonald

Standard Disclaimers Apply. I don't own Teen Titans.

* * *

**Chapter Five**

**

* * *

**

The first two days of Roy's withdrawal were the worst for him.

They were just the beginning for Raven.

While he struggled with delirium and intense pain, she struggled with the knowledge that it would continue for at least a week. While he sweat and writhed in her arms, she wept and held him tighter. His physical pain was causing her mental pain, and his mental pain was causing her physical pain.

She would find herself slipping off into sleep sometimes after having been up with him for hours without any rest. In those brief moments of letting her mind slip away, she would touch his dreams. He relived the worst parts of his life in those dreams. The death of his parents. Green Arrow being wounded badly. Falling from a building and breaking his arm. Being taken by the Brotherhood of Evil. His time spent on bad trips in heroin dens.

It all made Raven sick with worry and sorrow. She knew before that he'd seen his share of horror in his short life, but for him to have survived it as the freewheeling, happy if not sarcastic person he was… it was nothing short of a miracle. All of the Titans had troubled pasts, but his seemed so much more personal to her now.

When the third day came, she woke from one of these half dreams to find him still in her arms, muttering incoherently. As he seemed to be still for the moment, she decided to get something to eat. The first food she would eat since the first night of his withdrawal.

Laying him down gently on the bed, Raven walked to the kitchen. It was only as she opened the refrigerator to look inside that she noticed her legs were bare. She'd never bothered to put on any pants or even shorts after she had found him. Wrinkling her nose, she sniffed at her tank top as well, and frowned.

Forgoing food for the moment, Raven walked to the hallway where the in-unit washer and dryer were. They were half sized, stacked on top of one another, but they worked, and that was all that mattered at the moment. Stripping off her shirt and pulling down her panties, she tossed the articles of clothing into the washer, then walked to the bedroom. She retrieved several pairs of jeans and track pants that Roy had gone through, as well as a few still damp t-shirts from all the sweat he'd been pouring out of his body.

As she straightened up from pulling the clothes off the floor, she noticed that it was oddly quiet in the room. Turning to look at Roy, she found his eyes open and staring at her.

Raven blinked.

"Roy?"

"Heh…" his voice was hoarse, "You said… I'd get a better look… if I stayed…"

Raven blushed lightly, but didn't move to cover he naked body, "So I did. How are you?"

"In pain… this is passing… Raven…"

"I know. I'm going to get dressed, eat something and be back to sit with you before you slip back into the withdrawal. Try to close your eyes and rest."

"Not closing my eyes… 'till I can't see that perfect ass anymore…"

Raven blushed deeper and turned so he could see that perfect ass quite well. She walked slowly, swaying her hips as she left the room.

When she was back in the hall and loading the clothes into the washer, she blushed more deeply than she could ever remember blushing, "Why the hell did I do that?" she muttered, then went to find some clothes to wear.

* * *

Roy's suffering continued for three more days.

Raven kept him as hydrated as she could, but knew that he wouldn't be able to eat anything even if she tried to force it down his throat. In the times when he was mildly coherent, she would talk to him soothingly, so he could know that there was someone with him. In the times when he wasn't coherent, she sat with him and made sure he didn't thrash too much or roll so that he would smother himself.

Raven found herself getting desperate by the sixth day. He was still feverish, and his body couldn't take too much more of the physical strain it was going through. It hurt her deeply, and she felt as if her heart would stop every time he cried out.

As she sat with him, Raven examined her own feelings. All this time with Roy was giving her a new appreciation for him, and she found herself longing for the short time they had together when he was able to talk to her. They had been getting to know one another, and that had been special to her. Now his pain was her pain, and she couldn't help but feel that even after the pain was gone, they'd still share a bond.

With a sigh, Raven looked over Roy's prone form. There was no sense in denying her feelings any longer. She had to admit the truth to herself.

She had fallen in love with Roy Harper.

It pained her to admit that she had let herself get so close to someone when she could never truly express those feelings. It wouldn't do to lead him on, and it was high time she emotionally detached herself from the situation.

"I'm sorry, Roy." She muttered, and brushed a hand down along his cheek, "I just can't love you." As she moved her hand up to his forehead, she paused, then checked again.

With a sigh of relief and a slight smile, she sat back and relaxed for the first time all day.

His fever had finally broken.

Roy woke the next day to the sound of slightly off key humming. He turned blurry eyes to his bedside, and saw Raven there, wringing out a wet sponge.

"What are you doing?" he croaked.

Raven smiled over at him, "Awake? Good. It'll make cleaning you up easier."

"Cleaning me? Raven, are you giving me a sponge bath?"

"Well, I could just dump you in the tub, but with you asleep that wouldn't have been wise. Turn over if you can, and help me get you out of your pants."

"Um… it's okay, Rae… really."

"If you think you can walk, I'll help you to the bathroom then." She held out a hand, "Come on, Roy. You stink."

"Yeah, yeah." Roy slowly sat up and swung his legs out of the bed. Wincing, he stood up and took her arm, "This sucks."

"You've been laying in bed for a week. You're going to be sore."

"I guess."

When they made it to the bathroom, Raven sat him down on the toilet and drew a bath for him. He watched her moving about, gathering a washcloth and some soap for him, and arched an eyebrow as a memory slipped back into his foggy mind.

"Am I right in remembering that you were traipsing around my room naked while I was half awake?"

Raven turned to him and rolled her eyes, "It was only once, and you were sleeping when I left you. I was just getting clothes together to do laundry."

"Am I also correct in remembering that you have a nice ass?"

"Yes." Raven smiled lightly, "Now get cleaned up. I'm going to make you something easy to digest."

"Good… I'm famished."

* * *

An hour later found Raven leaning her chin in her hands with her elbows on the kitchen table, watching Roy slurp up his chicken soup. She wore a contented smile on her face, and he noticed it before she could master herself.

"You're awfully cheerful."

Raven looked away, but continued to smile, "I'm just glad you're up and around a little. It was… you had me a little scared."

"Scared?" Roy paused in his eating, "Rae, you don't get scared."

"Sure I do… just not of things like monsters and megalomaniacs."

"You get scared when someone is sick?"

"I get frightened, Roy…" Raven reached across the table and grabbed his hand, "when a friend is in pain, suffering, and I can't do anything to help."

Roy's eyes softened, and he squeezed her hand, "You've done more for me in the past week than anyone has ever done for me in my life, Raven." He smiled, "Thank you."

"Your welcome."

They stared into one another's eyes for a moment, then separated their hands. Raven stood up, "I'll change the bed sheets. You should get some more rest after you eat."

"Yeah." Roy nodded, and went back to his soup. As Raven walked out of the kitchen, he looked back up and watched her back retreating into the bedroom. Smiling lightly, he took another slurp.

Later, Roy was settling in for a good night's sleep, and Raven was setting a glass of water by his bedside, "Call me if you need anything. I'll be right in the other room."

"I think the worst of it's past now." Roy watched her as she sat on the side of the bed and checked his pulse, then his temperature. She smiled, satisfied that he was still okay.

"Alright, Roy. Try to drink some water if you wake up. It'll be safe soon to give you pain killers again, but for now, you'll have to make due."

"I know." He smiled at her and grabbed her hand, "Really, Raven… thanks."

"I know." She leaned in and gently kissed his forehead, "Sleep, Roy. If you need… me…"

Raven trailed off as Roy's hand touched her cheek. He held her face near his and tilted his head to the side. As he brought her lips closer to his, he whispered, "Raven… I can see how you feel about me… please… don't push it away…"

Raven whimpered lightly, but pushed her lips forward, pressing them to his. The kiss was brief, but passionate, and when she pulled away, she found him smiling at her, "You don't have to stop, you know."

Raven smiled back and went to kiss him again. As she did, there was a high-pitched whine, and she paused. "What's that?"

Roy listened carefully, then his eyes grew wide, "RPG!" he shouted, "Raven, get a shield up-"

The wall exploded next to them, and both Titans were hurled across the room. They landed with a thud, Raven's hastily erected shield disintegrating as she lost concentration. Looking up through the flaming debris, the two of them gasped and stared.

Standing on top of a building across the street were Mammoth, Gizmo and Private HIVE. Gizmo laughed, "See! I told you my tracer found a Titan signal coming from this place! It's the creepy witch girl and the arrow chuckin' scrum buffer!"

Mammoth grunted and laughed in a low tone, and Private HIVE grinned, "Engage and attack, men! Eliminate all targets!"

Raven staggered to her feet in front of Roy, who tried to sit up, but found he was still too weak, "Rae… I don't know if I can-"

"Stay down, Roy. I'll handle this."

As Gizmo took to the sky, and Mammoth grabbed Private HIVE and jumped the gap between the buildings, Raven wondered if she would be able to fight off all three HIVE members, or if she and Roy were about to die just as they had found each other.


	7. Chapter Six

Giving Yourself

A Teen Titans Fan Fiction by Jacob McDonald

Standard Disclaimers Apply. I don't own Teen Titans.

* * *

**Chapter Six**

**

* * *

**

As Mammoth landed and let Private HIVE go so he could charge the two Titans, Gizmo unleashed a barrage of mini-missiles. Raven quickly summoned a shield to protect them, then expanded it into a blast of force as the military buff HIVE member attacked her.

Private HIVE was thrown back into what was left of the corner of the room, and Raven turned her attention to the hulking Mammoth. He came down at her with a heavy punch, and it was all she could do to grab Roy and duck out of the way. They landed in a heap and Mammoth chuckled.

"What's wrong, Speedy? Can't fight? Have to hide behind a girl?"

Roy gasped as Raven stood up in front of him again, "Actually, Mammoth… yeah."

"Just pound 'em, Snot Burglar!" Gizmo shouted as he descended from the sky.

"That's enough from you." Raven scowled at him and thrust a hand out. The form of a black talon reached up at the genius midget and he quickly swooped out of the way.

Even as she was turning her attention back to Mammoth, he reached out and swatted her across the room, where she landed with a thud and a grunt of pain. The huge genetic mutant stepped up to Roy and grinned down at him, "Why so helpless?"

"I've been sick." Roy grimaced and tried to get to his feet, "I bet I can still take ya' though, Mammy."

"Heh." Private HIVE was getting to his feet as well, "He called you Mammy."

Mammoth slapped Roy back to the ground with a growl of anger.

The red haired archer had bought Raven time though, and she was back on her feet with her eyes burning white. She reached out her hands and shouted, "Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos!" As she did, every single piece of rubble and brick from the decimated building was surrounded in a halo of black energy. They all jumped up suddenly and started pelting into Mammoth's face harder than a major league baseball pitcher could throw. The giant stumbled as he was assaulted, until his feet were at the edge of the room, with no wall behind him.

"See you latter, Mammoth." Roy grinned as Raven pulled the couch from in the living room and hurled it at her enemy. It plowed Mammoth off the edge of the building, and he plummeted to the street below.

Private HIVE charged in at Raven, yanking out a tazer stick as he went. Roy quickly rolled over and threw his legs out, tripping the other young man and making him fall on his face. Raven pounced forward and slammed both knees into his head, knocking him out soundly.

"Forget about me, Titan scum?" Gizmo shouted as he flew down at them. Another barrage of mini-missiles was launched, and Raven wasn't able to get a shield up in time. The two Titans watched with wide eyes as the rockets drew nearer…

And exploded in mid-air, just before they would have impacted. Both of them were blown back into the living room, but were otherwise unharmed.

"What the hell happened?" Gizmo looked about, "The shot was dead on!"

A wave of pink surged around his jet pack for a moment, and it shut down. The small teen shouted in alarm as he fell to the bedroom. He struggled to get up, and almost made it before a black platform boot slammed into his head. He grunted and fell back down.

"Hi Jinx." He muttered.

"Hey Giz." She grinned, "I've been looking for you guys."

"Yeah. We know."

"Then you know why I've been after you." She ground her foot down into his head and he made a noise of pain as she grinned, "You have something of mine. Give it back."

Gizmo grumbled under her foot, but knew better than to anger her any further. Reaching into a pouch, he pulled out an almost new looking T-Comp and handed it to her. Jinx took, and tucked it into a pocket.

"Thank you." She said, then raised her foot and stomped on his head, slamming it into the floor and knocking him out. The pink haired witch turned to Raven and Roy and grinned, "Titans to the rescue!" she cheered. Taking in their state of dress and shocked expressions, she lost her grin, "Um… we are still Titans, right?"

"Jinx…" Raven slowly stood up, "The Titans haven't seen you since we gave you the com. We thought you'd gone to a civilian life or something."

"Eh." Jinx shrugged, "I've been abroad." She waved off to the east, "Europe mostly. Seeing the world, soul searching, that kind of stuff. If these three dweebs hadn't stolen my T-Comp, I would be in Rome right now, egging the Vatican."

"Jinx…" Roy rubbed his eyes, "If your communicator gets stolen, you have to report it to Robin so he can change the frequencies. If you don't, then our enemies can find us anywhere."

"Oh." Jinx's cheeks colored slightly, "I'll, uh… keep that in mind."  
"You do that." Raven rolled her eyes and looked around the ruined apartment. "We're going to need a new place to stay." Walking back to Roy, she sat down next to him and placed a hand on his cheek, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, all things considered." Roy smiled at her and grasped her free hand. He had a light cut on his temple, and it trickled blood down the side of his face. His smile washed away her fears though, and his hand in hers made her heart pump twice as fast.

"Um…" Jinx spoke up again, and they turned back to her. She jerked a thumb over her shoulder, "I've got a hotel room… you can crash there tonight… though, you know… there is that nice big Tower down on the coast…"

"We can't go back to the Tower right now." Raven replied, "Though your offer does sound nice… if we wont be imposing too much-"

"Not at all." Jinx cut her off with a genuine smile, "I've missed having friends around."

"Then let's go." Raven motioned her over, "Help me gather some stuff, then I'll teleport us there."

* * *

It was almost midnight by the time Raven collapsed into a chair in the living room area of the two-room suit Jinx had rented at the nicest five-star hotel in Steel City. She was wearing fresh clothes, jeans and a black t-shirt, and had forgone shoes and socks as she had been for the past several weeks while taking care of Roy. Looking around at the opulence she winced and rubbed her neck, "Mammoth hit me really hard."

Jinx walked in from the small kitchen area with two glasses and a bottle of wine. She was wearing loose black silk pajama pants, and a red tank top with spaghetti straps. Her feet were bare, and she'd pulled the bands that held her hair up out, letting it fall down around her face in a pretty manner. "It's what he's good at." She replied, then sat the two glasses down on the coffee table, sat herself down on the couch, and filled them from the bottle. Motioning for Raven to take one, she picked up the other and sipped it.

"I haven't had wine in years." Raven smiled lightly and picked up her glass, sipping it and smiling, "This is good."

"Came with the room." Jinx grinned and folded her legs underneath herself.

"How do you afford all of this?" Raven waved a hand around.

Jinx's grin grew downright devilish, "I took a little cash with me when I quit the HIVE. Just over twenty million."

Raven blinked at her, "You stole twenty million dollars from one of the largest criminal organizations in the world?"

"Yep." Jinx nodded and took another sip of her wine.

Raven shook her head, "You're a menace."

"That I am." Jinx sat up a little straighter, "Now tell me what's going on with you and Speedy."

"It's not really something I can talk about…"

"Oh, come on. We're both Titans here, right?"

"Jinx…"  
"Call me Jenny."

Raven started and looked at her in a questioning manner, "Um… okay… huh."

"What?"

"I never would have thought that you'd just come out and tell me your real name like that."

"Oh. Well, it's no big deal. I haven't been that cute little girl with pink hair and pink eyes for a while now." Jinx shrugged, "So? What's going on?"

"Speedy… Roy, I mean… he got into some pretty bad stuff. Drugs mostly. I've been helping him come through heroin withdrawal."

"Oh, shit…" Jinx grimaced, "That had to be hard."

"It wasn't easy, no." Raven sipped her wine before continuing, "Can you keep a secret?"

"Of course." Jinx smiled, "I wont even tell any of the other Titans. Not that I see them that much…"

Raven looked suddenly nervous, "I uh… over the past few days… while he's been getting better… I uh…"

Jinx's smile grew, "You're falling for him, aren't you?"

Raven nodded miserably.

"Oh come on, Raven!" the pink haired girl laughed, "Cut the whole emotionless bitch thing for a few minutes and admit that you like being in love."

"Fine, fine…" Raven smiled a little, "It just scares me, you know? Love is new to me… an emotion I've never dealt with like this before."

"You just have to feel it." Jinx said with a firm nod, "Feel it and let it expand until you can't take it any more. Enjoy it, Raven. Not everyone finds someone they can be happy with."

Raven chuckled lightly, "It's funny… you and I talking like this…"

"We haven't ever really gotten along have we?" Jinx smiled back at her, "Us girls have to stick together for things like this though. Goddess knows boys are no help…"

Raven laughed at that, and downed the rest of her wine glass.

* * *

The next day, Roy woke to find sunlight streaming into the room he'd been sleeping in. Sitting up, he looked around, and saw Jinx curled up in an arm chair next to the bed, reading a book. She looked up at him and smiled in a friendly manner, "Hey, Speedy. How are you?"

"Thirsty." He rasped in reply. Jinx reached to the bedside and picked up a full glass of water, which she handed to him. Roy downed it all in just a few seconds. Wiping his mouth, he eyed her. She was still wearing her pajamas from the night before, and he found the casual look of her hair disturbing, "Where's Raven?"

"Apartment hunting. She said she wanted a place where no one could find the two of you while you finish recovering." Jinx sat the book aside and leaned over the bed, placing a hand on his forehead, "You feel a little warm."

"I'm fine." He started to push her away, but she shoved his shoulder roughly, and he fell back to the bed, finding he wasn't strong enough to resist.

"You're a wreck." Jinx shook her head, "Look, Roy… can I call you Roy?"

"Sure." He blinked at her.

Jinx continued, "Raven… she's really worried about you. And she should be. You have a lot of recovering to do. You're body's trashed after what you put it through."

"You sound like you know what I'm going through…"

"I don't really…" Jinx smiled at him in sad kind of way, "But you know… I've robbed banks of millions and blown up buildings and stuff… I'm not one to pass judgment."

"I guess." Roy smiled back at her, but his grin faltered after a moment, "Did Raven… talk about… the two of us last night?"

"You mean you and me?" Jinx blinked, confused.

"No… did she talk about her and me and our… relationship."

"What you mean to say is, 'Did she tell you she's in love with me?'"

"Uh…" Roy blushed a little, "Yeah, I guess."

"Girls don't betray secrets like that, Roy." Jinx grinned.

He grinned back, "So she did, huh?"

"Did what?"

Both of them jumped and looked over to the doorway to see Raven standing there, an annoyed look on her face. She stepped into the room and walked to the bed, where she leaned down and checked Roy's temperature by placing a hand on his cheek, "You're still a bit warm. Your fever might be coming back."

"I'm fine." Roy rolled his eyes, "I just woke up, okay?"

"Fine." Raven straightened, "Now, if you two are done talking about me behind my back, I'd like to take Roy to our new apartment."

"Found one that fast, huh?" Jinx arched an eyebrow.

Raven nodded, "Let's go, Roy. Up and at 'em."

Roy slowly pulled himself from the bed, "How much is it costing you? I can try to get some cash from Ollie to help pay for it…" he trailed off as Raven whipped out a debit card and grinned. Showing him the name on it, she laughed in an evil manner, "What Dick doesn't know won't hurt him!"

"Well," Roy grinned back, "he won't know until the statement hits anyway. Then he'll wonder where all that money went. How'd you steal a debit card in his name anyway?"

"I didn't. I just opened an account. You'd be surprised what you can do with someone's social security number and a few phone calls." Raven tucked the card away, "Though he might wonder where fifty thousand of the Unexpected Mission Resources Fund went to…"

"You filled an account with Titan money, put it in Dick's name, and sent him the statements?" Roy asked with an arched eyebrow, "Girl, that's cold."

"Who's Dick?" Jinx asked, arching an eyebrow.

"No one." Raven and Roy said together.

Jinx pouted, "You two are no fun."

* * *

The apartment was on the third floor of an old brownstone just south of the downtown area. It was much like the safe house apartment they'd been in, except it had no electronic locks, and no high-tech communication system built into it. It came fully furnished, which had cost a little extra, but Raven hadn't been concerned with the cost overly much.

"This is pretty nice." Jinx commented as she sat down one of the two bags Raven had salvaged from the safe house. "Just the two of you, huh?"

"No offense Jenny, but I think we need to be alone for this. You should head west… contact Robin. See what he has for you to do."

"Oh… um… I don't know…" Jinx waved her hands as Raven helped Roy settle onto the couch, "West is too close to Kansas for me…"

"What's in Kansas?" Raven asked, standing up and arching an eyebrow, one hand on a hip.

"Heh." Roy laughed a little, "Keystone City."

"So?" Raven looked between the two of them for a moment, then her eyes widened, "Oh! What happened between you and Kid Flash?"

"We sorta… um…" Jinx shook her head, "I'll tell you some other time."

Roy rolled his eyes, "That means it's a girl thing. Go ahead and chat… I'm gonna take a nap." He stood up slowly, swatting Raven's hands away, "I'm doing okay, Rae. I can make it."

"Just be careful. Don't push yourself too much yet." Raven looked concerned, but Roy just put a hand on the side of her face, and smiled. She watched as he hobbled off to the bedroom and shut the door.

"One bedroom, huh?" Jinx giggled in her ear.

"Shut up." Raven turned on her and smiled a wicked smile, "You have no room to talk, little miss I'll-tell-you-later."

"How do you do stuff like that?" Jinx's mouth fell open.

"I'm an empath." Raven made a stupid face, "Duh."

"Now I remember why I was always trying to curse you into oblivion."

"Whatever. So you slept with Kid Flash, it got weird, and you ran away to Europe?"

"Pretty much." Jinx sighed and flopped down in a chair, "He deserves better than a bad luck charm like me."

Raven smiled kindly, "You've been pretty good to Roy and I. Thank you."

Jinx smiled back, "Yeah. I feels good, being good." She stood up suddenly, "So I guess I'm headed out to Jump again. I'll see you around, Raven."

"Aren't you going to stay in town another night or two? I was hoping you could stay with Roy while I tried to find a job."

"Why are you looking for a job?" Jinx laughed a little, "You have a ton of money."

"That's Titan money. I don't want to spend it if I don't have to."

"Whatever." Jinx waved as she walked to the door, "He'll be fine, and the two of you will be kissing and making babies before too long. I'm not sticking around to see that."

Raven just laughed, "We'll see about that."

"I'll see you in Jump, Raven." And Jinx walked out the door, shutting it behind her.

Raven sighed, picked up a newspaper off the coffee table that she'd bought, and flipped to the want ads.


	8. Chapter Seven

Giving Yourself

A Teen Titans Fan Fiction by Jacob McDonald

Standard Disclaimers Apply. I don't own Teen Titans.

* * *

**Chapter Seven**

**

* * *

**

Raven smiled across the counter top of the bookstore she worked in at a young woman buying a copy of a short fiction anthology. As she ran the girls credit card, she commented, "This is a good book."

The girl smiled back weakly, "I have to get it for class. I haven't even heard of most of the writers in it."

"You'll love it." Raven handed her a bag with the book with one hand, and the girls credit card with the other. The young woman thanked her and walked off.

Raven sighed and leaned on the counter, glancing around herself at the shop. The walls on either side were packed with books, and the numerous shelves were full as well. It was one of those little hidden gems of a shop that you only find once or twice in a lifetime, full of rare or out of print books… and not the silly sci-fi crap from the 70's and 80's either. These were good, classic pieces of literature, and the store's owner went to great pains to bring in only the best he could find.

They did keep a stock of the more modern books as well, and they had a best sellers section, but Raven truly enjoyed the eclectic clientele they catered to mostly. People out looking for that one particular book that always seemed to elude them elsewhere. Collectors looking for a rare copy of an out-of-print. Batty old men who had nothing better to do than look through the stacks for something they hadn't seen in years.

As she mused about her workplace, Raven glanced at the clock on the wall, and started. It was almost 7:00, and her shift was over. Turning and poking her head into the small room behind the counter space, she spoke to the elderly black man sitting at a desk with a lamp focused on the book in front of him, "Mr. Henry? It's time to close up."

"Okay…" he was squinting at a book as he repaired it's binding, "Grab the keys and lock up for me, would you? Oh, and stop back here before you leave. I have something for you."

Raven nodded and took the keys from the peg they were on next to the opening that led out into the shop. She walked up front and flipped the sign on the door from 'Open' to 'Closed' and quickly locked the three locks on the door. Pulling the gates down over the windows and across the door, she locked those as well, then went back to the back room. Putting the keys back, she picked up her jacket and purse, and walked over to Mr. Henry.

He looked up at her as she came over and reached under his desk. A moment later, he pulled out a book and handed it to her. Raven read the title on the front and her breath caught in her throat. It was a copy of Non-Violent Resistance – Satyagraha by Mohandas K. Gandhi. Quickly flipping it open, she read the copyright date.

"It's an original…" she breathed, "Mr. Henry… where did you get this?"

"An old friend of mine was willing to part with it in exchange for my second publication run of Treasure Island." Mr. Henry shrugged, "It wasn't that big a deal."

"But…" Raven held it back out to him, "Sir, I can't except this! It's-"

"Raven…" he gently pushed the book back towards her, "You're the hardest working employee I've ever had. You can do more than smack your gum when I'm talking about books, and in the past two weeks, you've gotten very close to this old man's heart." Raven blinked at him, "Keep the book, girl."

"Sir, I-"

"Call me Bill, Raven."

She blushed lightly, then on impulse leaned forward and kissed the top of his head. He chuckled and patted her back, "Thank you very much, Bill."

He shooed her along towards the back door, "You head on home now to that young stud you're always talking about. Roy, right?"

"He's just my roommate." Raven blushed deeper than ever, and smiled lightly, "Thank you for the book."

"You mentioned you wanted one, and I happened to know where to find it. It's the least I can do for someone who's brought so much joy into an old man's life… ever since my wife died… well, you've heard the story."

"Keep your chin up, Bill." Raven smiled at him, "I'll be back tomorrow at 9:00."

"I'll see you then." Bill waved at her as she ducked out of the door, and shut it.

Standing in the ally behind the store, Raven looked down at the book clutched in her hands, and smiled broadly. Without a sound, she vanished into a blanket of shadows.

* * *

Roy looked over at the living room of the apartment he shared with Raven as she appeared in the form of a dark bird of prey, then lowered her arms to her sides. She had an older looking book in one hand and a wide smile on her face.

For his part, Roy was in the kitchen. A pot on the stove bubbled pleasantly, and a divine smell wafted throughout the apartment. Raven walked over, tossing her jacket on the back of the couch as she did, "What is that heavenly scent?" she asked.

"Gumbo." Roy replied with a grin, "New book?"

"It's a copy of one of Gandhi's works that I've been wanting an original of. Mr. Henry found one for me… and gave it to me as a present." She blushed.

"He really likes you." Roy smiled at her and checked on dinner again, "This'll be ready in just a few minutes."

"Excellent." Raven beamed and sat down at the table, "Did you have any trouble today?"

"A headache and some muscle cramping. Nothing too bad." Roy rolled his neck, "I think most of the toxins are finally getting out of my system now."

"You've recovered remarkably quickly." Raven noted, "I don't think it's all due to my helping with the empathic feedback either."

"Huh." Roy sipped from his gumbo pot, "Wow. That's good."

"Then let's eat." Raven grinned, "I'm starved."

* * *

Later that night, Raven was sitting on the couch, reading some of her favorite passages from the new book (she had a more modern copy of it back in Jump City) while Roy worked out. He was currently doing sit-ups, and counting quietly as he did.

"Two-hundred-twenty-nine, two-hundred-thirty, two-hundred-thirty-one, two-hundred-thirty-three…"

"Two." Raven said without looking up from her book.

Roy paused, "What?"

"You skipped two-hundred-thirty-two."

Roy looked at her for a moment, then flopped back down, "Crap. Wonder how many other numbers I missed…"

"You mostly skip the fours." Raven's mouth curled into a grin.

"And you felt like pointing this one out, why?"

"You were only supposed to do two-hundred anyway."

Roy sighed, "You're a brat."

"And you're all sweaty and stinky. Go shower before bed."

"Sheesh. Yes mother."

"Don't make me force you, Roy."

"Hey, I'm getting back into pretty good shape. I doubt you could if you didn't use your powers."

"Why would I not use my powers?" Raven put her book aside and let her eyes glow white at him.

"Well, if you wanted to play fair…"

Without warning, Raven pounced on him. The two of them laughed as they struggled on the floor for a moment, and it looked like Raven was about to get the upper hand and pin him. Suddenly though, Roy gave a huge burst of strength and literally lifted her off the ground. She screamed a little and giggled as he stood up, her squirming body slung over his shoulder.

"Roy! Put me down!"

"So you think I need a shower, huh?" he started walking to the bathroom.

"Oh no you don't! Don't even think about it!"  
"You aren't using your powers, remember?"

"I'll turn you inside out if you… Roy!" With her still slung over his shoulder, he kicked on the facet, then flipped the switch to the shower setting with the same foot. Since she was squirming so much, he figured it wouldn't be safe for him to toss her, so he simply stepped under the spray himself, electing a small scream from her as they both got soaked. He set her down and grinned.

For the second time in a month, Raven glared up at Roy with angry violet eyes, and a soaked through white shirt. He looked down at her and smiled wider, "Nice…"

Raven was suddenly very aware of how close they stood together, under the hot spray. She was also aware that he was wearing just a pair of shorts and his boxers, and her soaked white shirt and lack of bra was leaving nothing to his already vivid imagination.

Two weeks earlier came rushing back to her, and she reached up and pulled his face down to hers, kissing him. Roy kissed back eagerly, and his hands tugged at her shirt.

Raven helped him pull it off of her.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, she was pressed back against the side of the shower, moaning and gasping as he moved against her. One of her bare legs was wrapped up around his waist, and he held her hips tightly as his mouth rained kisses down on her almost as rapidly as the shower spray.

Steam clouded the air around them, and he gasped loudly as she pushed her hips out against him. "Rae…" he muttered, "We have to stop… I'm not wearing a condom…"

"There's some in the bedroom… top drawer of the dresser…" she replied.

Roy slowed and pulled away from her after a moment. He kissed her and smiled, "Why?"

"Just in case." She smiled back.

Roy shut the water off and grabbed towels for them. After they had dried off a little, they moved to the bedroom, found the condoms, and put them to good use.

* * *

Roy woke a little past 10:00 the next morning, and found himself naked and alone in bed. Sitting up, he saw a note on the pillow Raven had used the night before. Flipping it open, he read it quickly and grinned. It told him she would be home from work by 6:00, and it was signed 'Missing you already, Raven.'

Getting up out of bed, Roy went about his morning routine. He conditioned for a little while, doing push-ups and sit-ups again, then he showered and made himself a light breakfast. After he cleaned up, he checked the refrigerator and cupboards to see what kind of food they had.

"Hmm." He frowned, "I'll have to go shopping."

* * *

The open-air market down the street from their apartment was Roy's favorite to find fresh vegetables at. As he was planning a broccoli casserole, he needed plenty of fresh vegetables.

As he was inspecting a clump of mushrooms, he felt a tap on his shoulder. Turning and looking, he blinked at the face of a man he'd never planned on seeing again. "Hey Barry. What brings you to the market today?"

Barry grinned his yellow toothed, slightly manic grin. Roy knew him to be a small time dealer on the west end of town, who he'd gone to once or twice when he was in the area. The man had a reputation as using more of his stock then he sold, and his emaciated frame spoke loudly of that.

"I'm just out looking for some food. What about you? Bad ass Roy Harper making a special meal tonight?"

"Actually, yes. My girlfriend and I are celebrating."

"Celebrating what?" Barry plucked a few grapes off of bunch nearby and popped them into his mouth.

Roy frowned at him, "Celebrating me kicking my heroin habit."

Barry spluttered out his grapes and gawked at Roy, "No way! You quit? Man, quitters are like… like…"

"Smart?" Roy supplied.

"Naw, man! Come on, dude, you can do better than to go all straight and squeaky clean on me!"

"Barry…"

"Dude, seriously! Look, come with me right on over there. I've got some on me, and we can shoot up together. You look like you could use it."

Roy looked down at himself. His muscle tone was starting to fill out again, and his skin looked brighter and healthier than it had in months. Maybe Barry was just so far gone that he though people were all supposed to look like he did.

"I don't think so, Barry…"

"Aw, come on!" Barry winked at him, "On the house, kid!"

Roy grew suddenly angry. He put down the clump of mushrooms he was looking at and nodded in a grim manner, "Fine. Let's go."

"Sweet!" Barry trotted on ahead of him, and Roy followed. The two of them disappeared into the ally across the street for several minutes before there was the sound of something hard and metallic slamming into something soft and made of bone.

Roy walked out of the ally and to the nearest pay phone. Picking up the receiver, he dialed three numbers and listened for a moment. After the operator came on, he grinned, "There's a heroin dealer knocked out in the ally next to the Banes Street Market. He's been tied up with some twine and he's waiting for pick up." He listened for a moment, then grinned wider, "Sure thing. My name is Speedy. I'm a Teen Titan." And he hung up the phone.

Whistling a merry tune, he walked back to the market.

* * *

Raven arrived home promptly at 6:04, and was greeted once again by a wonderful smell coming from the kitchen. "Where did you learn to cook like this?" she asked as she walked in.

Roy stepped away from where he was preparing a salad and pulled her to him, kissing her deeply. Raven was stiff at first, then remembered that she was in love with Roy, and kissed him back. When he let her go, she smiled at him, "I could get used to that."

"Good. I want you to."

Raven's smile faltered, "You know… we'll have to go back soon…"

"I'll move out to Jump if that's what you want."

"That's not it… Roy… we wont be able to live like this…"

"Why don't we quit then? We could live normal lives… I have a job working for Queen Industries whenever I want it, and I'm sure Dick would be willing to get you a good one too, if you wanted…"

"That's not what we're meant for, Roy." Raven shook her head.

Roy smiled in a sad kind of way and nodded, "I know. We're heroes, after all."

Raven got a strange feeling from him and touched his face, "Is everything okay? Did something happen today?"

Roy paused, then shook his head with a smile, "No… nothing happened. I'm fine, Raven."

* * *

The next afternoon found Raven on her back in bed, gasping and staring up at her own pointed toes with wide eyes. Roy moved on top of her with wild abandon, pounding her as hard as he could while holding her tightly against his body.

Since Raven had the day off, they had spent it like some young couples spend their days together.

Having lots and lots of sex.

As they finished and Roy rolled off of her, Raven steadied her breathing. Turning her sweat soaked head towards him, she smiled, "I never would have thought… that'd I'd be so horny all the time."

"Heh." was all Roy could manage.

"And I'm a freak…" Raven laughed a little, "I never thought I'd be into the kinky shit either."

As Roy gained his own breath back, he rolled up on one elbow and grinned down at her, "You do seem to like it when I'm fucking you as hard as I can."

"I like everything you do to me."  
"Ditto. Where'd you learn to give such great blow jobs?"

"Beast Boy's porn collection. You'd be surprised how educational it proved to be for Starfire."

"You taught Star about sex using porn?"

"Hey, she asked for visual examples."

"If she and Dick ever start going at it, he's going to be in for one hell of a surprise."

"I took that into consideration too. It'll make up for all the birthdays I haven't gotten him any presents."

Roy just laughed at that and settled back on the bed.

* * *

Later, the two of them were dressed in lay-about clothes and watching TV together. They were cuddled up on the couch, each with their own pint of ice cream. Occasionally, Raven would steal some of Roy's and he would pinch her bottom for it.

As they watched, the movie that was one cut out and a special news report came up. Both of them sat up suddenly as they saw what was happening.

The report was blathering about something or another as the camera pointed over his shoulder and focused on Aqualad as he was tossed away from a huge man in tattered clothes. The monstrous man had gray skin and white hair and raged as Bumble Bee swooped down and shot him with her stingers.

_"Solomon Grundy born on a Monday!"_ the man shouted over the TV.

The reporter sounded frantic, _"We were just down here to cover a story about gas prices, folks, but then this… and the Titans are getting beaten back by Solomon Grundy! They do seem to be short a member or two, but… look out!"_

Grundy tossed a car wildly and bellowed at the sky. The flying vehicle flew right at the camera and everything cut to static for a moment before the newsroom came up and a pale looking female anchor stuttered out nervously, _"The police are encouraging everyone in the vicinity of the attack to keep clear of the fight and let the Titans handle the situation…"_

Roy and Raven were already on their feet. Raven started for the bedroom where she had one of her uniforms in the closet, just in case, and Roy was quickly on her heals.

"Where do you think you're going?" Raven demanded.

"I'm doing fine, Rae. My team needs me."

"You're not a hundred percent yet, Roy, and you'll get hurt if you try to-"

"This isn't open for discussion." Roy cut her off in a heated tone. He grabbed Raven about the waist and pulled her to him. She let out a little noise of shock as he kissed her hard, then let her go, "I love you, Raven, but I'm not going to sit back and watch my friends get hurt because you think I'm not ready."

Raven looked up at him with wide eyes, "You… love me?"

"Of course I do!" Roy almost laughed, "How could I not love someone so caring and kind and beautiful! Raven…"

"I love you too." She said and winced. After a moment, she opened one eye, then the other and sighed, "Good. Nothing blew up."

"Uh…" he took a step back, "Is that normally a problem?"

"Not so much any more, but it used to be." Raven walked to the closet, stripping off her shirt as she did, "Give me a second to change, then I'll take you to the Tower to gear up."

Roy smiled in a relived sort of way, "Thanks, Raven."

"Anything for the man I love." Raven told him, and winked as she stripped off her shorts and grabbed the leotard out of the closet.


	9. Chapter Eight

Giving Yourself

A Teen Titans Fan Fiction by Jacob McDonald

Standard Disclaimers Apply. I don't own Teen Titans.

* * *

**Chapter Eight**

**

* * *

**

Mas y Menos ran in a circle around Grundy, kicking up a whirlwind and putting the giant off balance. As he tipped to one side, a wave of water from a nearby fire hydrant blasted into him, throwing him to his back. Bumble Bee swooped in and strafed him with her stingers.

"We've got him on the ropes, team! Just one more push and he'll go down for good!" she shouted, and the four Titans converged on the gray skinned berserker.

As they got in close, Grundy suddenly reared up and threw his fists about blindly, knocking them all away. Bumble Bee landed hard on the windshield of a car, and shattered it. She moaned and sat up, her eyes widening with fear as Grundy charged her.

And ran smack into a wall of black telekinetic energy.

Grundy stumbled once, then twice, then looked back over his shoulder. As he turned, trying to see what had hit him in the back, Bumble Bee saw two particle detonation arrows sticking out of him.

"Speedy?" she breathed.

The arrows exploded, sending the giant tumbling away in a howling fit of rage. As he climbed back to his feet, Speedy dropped from a nearby building, firing all the way to the ground. Small explosions erupted all over Grundy and he howled in pain even as Raven swooped down from above and raised her hands over her head.

"Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos!" she called, and three nearby cars lifted up and flew towards Grundy. He smacked the first one out of the air, but the other two plowed him off his feet, sending him reeling and making him even more susceptible to the barrage of arrows that Speedy continued to pelt him with.

"Bring it in tight!" Bumbled Bee shouted, "Aqualad, give Speedy some more fire support! Mas y Menos, get in his face and show him what size twelve boys boots feel like when they're moving Mach Three! Raven, see if you can't get something big enough to hold this guy down!"

There was a brief lull in the battle, and it gave Bumble Bee enough time to shout out, "Titans, go!"

* * *

As the dust settled over the street, Bumble Bee whistled a low note and turned to Raven, "I said something big enough to hold him down, Rae. I didn't mean use a building."

Raven shrugged, "There were no city busses handy." She stood next to Speedy, both of them smiling lightly, and casually touching each other's hands. Bee eyed them for a moment, then grinned, "Aw, shit. You two hooked up, didn't you?"

Raven put a finger to her lips, "Shush. Mas y Menos might hear you and have their fantasies of me shattered."

"Never would have… but I guess you two have been spending a lot of time together…"

"Yeah, well…" Speedy rubbed the back of his neck, "We, uh… have to go, Karen."

"What?" Bee blinked at them.

Raven clarified, "We're going back to our apartment. We have some things to talk about, and… we want just one more night to ourselves."

Bee's eyes softened, "Okay you two. Go on."

Raven raised her arms and a black cloud enveloped her and Speedy both. They were gone a moment later.

Aqualad walked up a few seconds later and looked around, "Hey, where'd Raven and Roy go?"

Bumble Bee looked over at him and grinned, "Back to their little love nest."

As his mouth dropped open, she turned and started to walk to where the police were trying to extract the unconscious Grundy from under the four story building Raven had displaced on top of him.

* * *

"I don't understand." Raven shook her head as she plopped down on the couch in the apartment, "You just showed that you can still do the job, Roy, and you're good at it… why do you want to quit?"

He hadn't actually said anything to that effect, but he knew Raven could tell. He sighed, sitting down next to her. They were both back to being dressed in casual clothes and he'd put some water to boil for a pot of tea.

"I just… I need some time, Rae. I need… I need to give something back for all the things I've taken away."

"What've you taken away?" Raven looked distressed.

"I bought drugs, Raven. A lot of them. That money went to all kinds of horrible things, and some of the kids I gave those drugs to are either dead or in the hospital now. I used, I abused, and I have to pay the price."

"What are you going to do if you're not fighting with the Titans? You can't seriously want to go work for Queen Industries?"

"No…" he shook his head, "I was thinking… I'd call up an old friend in the DEO. See if he has any anit-drug programs for me to get in to."

"Roy, I-"

"Raven… hush for a second." He put an arm around her shoulder and pulled her to him. She snuggled into his side and let a few tears fall from her eyes, "I told you before that I love you… I'll always love you… but our lives are going different directions now. That guy out there today? The one that fought Grundy to a stand still? That's not me anymore. That's you, and the rest of the Titans… I'm just… Roy. Roy Harper."

"But…" Raven sniffed, "You're _my_ Roy Harper… I don't want to loose you just when I've finally found someone I can be happy with, and not destroy the world!" Raven clutched at his shirt, "Roy… I love you so much… I just don't want to be away from you."

"It wont be forever Rae. Trust me on this… I have to do it."

Raven sniffed once more, then kissed his neck, "At least give me tonight."

"Tonight." He nodded, "Tomorrow we may go our separate ways, but tonight… tonight you're my girlfriend, and I'm your boyfriend, and we're going to love each other and be happy."

Raven nodded, a sad smile on her face. She crawled on top of him, straddling his waist, and pulled off her shirt.

* * *

Sunlight woke Raven up the next day, and she sat up in bed, looking around with wide eyes.

Roy was gone.

She saw a note on the pillow next to her, just like the one she'd left for him. Picking it up, she flipped it open and read it.

Raven,

I know this seems really lame, but it was the only way I could make sure we didn't just jump right back into bed and go at it again. I never really want to leave your side, but right now, I kind of have to.

All this shit… the withdrawal, the care you gave me, the fights, the living together, the falling in love, the sex, the self discovery… it's all been the best time of my life. Even with all the pain, and the struggle… Raven, you've become my best friend, my lover, and my everything. Please, please… don't be mad at me for this. Shed a tear or two if you have to, but don't be mad. We'll see each other again, sooner then you might think. I'll look forward to that day, and I'll be happy to pick right up where we left off here.

I'll always love you, Rae, and I'm already missing you.

Roy Harper

Raven sat the note aside, pulled her knees up to her chest, and buried her face in her hands. She sat in bed for the next hour, naked, alone, and sobbing.

* * *

Jinx and Starfire were sitting in the common room of Titans Tower West watching soap operas as Robin worked on a case file at one of the many computer stations. The only sounds were the TV blaring it's over blown melodrama, and the swift keystrokes of the Boy Wonder.

Into this completely normal atmosphere, Raven appeared in the middle of the room. Robin paused and looked over at her, and Jinx muted the TV and stared. Starfire looked curious, then spoke up, "Friend Raven?"

"Well," Raven looked about at all of them, her Titan uniform in place, and her hood pushed off of her head, "let's get back to work."


	10. Epilogue

Giving Yourself

A Teen Titans Fan Fiction by Jacob McDonald

Standard Disclaimers Apply. I don't own Teen Titans.

* * *

**Epilogue**

**

* * *

**

_Eight months later…_

Raven stepped out of Mrs. Washburn's fifth grade classroom with a sigh and a scowl. Why Robin even considered her for these 'go meet the younger kids' things was beyond her. She just scared the crap out of them, and no one ever had any questions for her other than to ask how her powers worked.

As she walked down the hall for the next room on her list, she paused outside of one of the classes she'd already been to. Looking through the open door, she saw a head of red hair bouncing around rapidly. Her mouth opened a little bit, and she stared.

Roy was waving his arms around as he spoke, "… it makes you go all crazy. You don't have any control over what you do…" he crashed into the table at the front of the room, spilling the papers on it all over the floor. The class burst out laughing, and he continued, "And after you use it for long enough," he stopped suddenly and was very serious, "you die."

The class was silent as he continued, "I used to use heroin. I was in so deep, I couldn't even see what it was doing to me. It took everything I had in me, and the help of a friend…" he glanced outside the room and his eyes locked with Raven's for a moment before he smiled and turned back to the class, "to make it through getting better. I was a hero. I was a Teen Titan, but I still fell victim. Now, all of you… you can be better than me. You can be better heroes than me just by never… never using heroin. If someone offers it to you, turn them down, get away as fast as you can, and tell someone you trust about it. An adult, a teacher… even Robin if you see him on the street." The class giggled again, and Roy stood up straight, "Thanks for your time, kids. Does anyone have any questions?"

Raven tilted her head and saw several hands in the air. Roy picked a cute little girl in the front row. She lowered her hand and spoke quietly, "Who was it that helped you get better?"

"Another Titan. She actually lives right here in Jump City… Raven."

"I know about her!" one little boy burst out, "She's scary!"

"You think so?" Roy laughed a little, "I guess she can be, but to me… to me she's the bravest, most wonderful person I've even know. I'm proud to be her friend, and prouder to have been a Titan with her."

There was a murmur throughout the class and Roy smiled at them, "Any more questions? Maybe about drugs this time?" The class laughed again, and Roy picked another student.

* * *

As Roy stepped out of the school, he paused and looked to his right. Standing in the shadows under a tree in the front lawn was Raven, her hood drawn up. He smiled and walked over to her, "Hey."

"Robin didn't tell me you were going to be here."

"Robin isn't always aware of everything the DEO does."

"This is what the government has a highly skilled combatant like you doing? Giving lectures to grade school kids?" Raven tilted her face up to the light so he could see inside her hood. She had an eyebrow arched.

"Actually," Roy grinned down at her, "I volunteered for this. I told you I wanted to give back… this is how I'm doing it."

Raven pulled her hood down and smiled up at him, "Am I really the braves most wonderful person you've ever known?"

Roy held a hand out to her, "Of course you are. And if you'll let me buy you lunch, I'll expound on that topic and swell your head even more."

Raven laughed a little and took his hand, "Okay, Harper. But lunch is all. Don't expect to just walk back into my life and get laid again."

"Knowing you, Rae, it'll be at least six hours before you're locking me in your room."

She rolled her eyes, but nodded happily anyway, "You going to be in Jump long?"

"My stint with the DEO is just about over, so… I actually bought a house out here."

"Really?" they started walking to his car and she wrapped her arm around his, holding him close to her.

"Yep. It's only got one room, but if you feel like stopping by ever, I just happen to have all the shampoo and conditioners you like, as well as your preferred brand of deodorant, and your favorite toothpaste, and-"

"I get the picture, Roy."

"Yeah." He smiled at her.

"I think we should take this slow." They stopped at his car.

"Definitely." He nodded very seriously.

"And we should talk about you being a Titan again."

"I'll listen to all arguments to that effect."

"And you need to shave." She ran a hand over the light stubble on his face.

"You don't think it makes me look rugged and handsome?"

"I think it makes you look like Green Arrow."

"I'll shave it off as soon as I can." He shivered a little bit.

"Good. Now take me to lunch, Harper."

"Anything, Miss Roth. Oh, and by the way…"

"Yes?" Raven looked up at him.

Roy leaned down and pressed his lips to hers, and she returned the kiss with enthusiasm. He pulled away after a few seconds, and ran a hand along her cheek, "I love you."

Raven's eyes grew bright with unshed tears and she nodded. He was still Roy, even if he wasn't Speedy, and she found that she returned his feelings whole heartedly. It was strange that she'd gone so long in life without loving anyone, and when she finally had he'd gone away for so long… and then just as soon as he popped back into her life, she was right back to loving him again. She had given herself to him, and he had accepted her for who she was. It was the most real thing she'd ever felt, and it made her happy.

"I love you too, Roy. I love you too."

* * *

_Fin_

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Closing Notes: Not much to say here. It's a very different format for me, and it's a slightly different style as well. Not my usual fare, but I wanted to try something a little different. Hope everyone enjoyed it, and I hope you find the time to review and tell me what you think. Thanks for reading.


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